Discipline Strategy Guide
Age-appropriate discipline methods that teach without shame
Select Your Child's Age
Discipline for 1-2 Years
What Works at This Age
- ✓Redirection: Move them away from no-no and offer alternative
- ✓Distraction: "Look at this toy!" when they're heading for trouble
- ✓Simple "no" with explanation: "No touch. Hot."
- ✓Remove temptation: Baby-proof instead of constantly saying no
- ✓Consistent routines: Reduce battles with predictable schedule
- ✓Positive attention: Notice and praise good behavior often
What Doesn't Work
- ✗Long explanations (they won't understand)
- ✗Time-outs (too young to understand)
- ✗Expecting them to remember rules (brain isn't there yet)
- ✗Punishment for exploration (it's how they learn)
Example Scenarios
Pulling dog's tail:
Gently remove hand, say "Gentle" and model soft petting. Repeat every time.
Throwing food:
Say "Food stays on tray," meal ends. Try again next meal. Natural consequence.
Time-Out Guide (Ages 2-5)
When to Use Time-Out
Time-out works best for:
- • Aggression (hitting, biting, kicking)
- • Deliberate defiance after warning
- • Behavior that could harm self or others
NOT for: Accidents, emotions, not following directions the first time
How to Do Time-Out Correctly
- 1. Warning first: "If you hit again, you'll have a time-out."
- 2. Follow through immediately: Calmly say "You hit. Time-out." No lecture.
- 3. Boring spot: Chair facing wall, bottom stair. Not their room with toys.
- 4. Set timer: 1 minute per year of age (2 years = 2 minutes, 3 years = 3 minutes)
- 5. Stay nearby but ignore: Don't talk, make eye contact, or engage
- 6. After timer: Brief reminder: "We don't hit. Hitting hurts." Then move on.
- 7. Positive attention after: When they behave well next, praise them
Time-Out Troubleshooting:
- • Won't stay: Silently return them each time. Reset timer after they sit.
- • Screaming/tantrum: Ignore. Timer doesn't start until they're calm.
- • Won't apologize: Don't force it. Apologies should be genuine, not coerced.
Positive Reinforcement: The Most Powerful Tool
Praise Done Right
- Be specific: "You shared your toy with your sister!" not just "Good job"
- Catch them being good: Notice and praise when they DO follow rules
- Immediate: Praise right when you see good behavior
- Enthusiastic: Show genuine excitement about their behavior
- Focus on effort: "You worked so hard!" not "You're so smart"
Reward Systems
- Sticker charts: Visual progress for 3-7 year olds
- Token economy: Earn tokens/points for privileges
- Special time: 10 minutes one-on-one as reward
- Natural rewards: "When you finish cleanup, we can read books"
- Small incentives: Extra park time, pick dinner, choose activity
Note: Avoid food rewards. Focus on experiences and attention.
Natural & Logical Consequences
Natural consequences teach responsibility without punishment.
Refuses to wear coat:
Natural consequence: Gets cold outside (if safe weather)
Throws toy:
Logical consequence: Toy gets put away for rest of day
Won't come to dinner:
Natural consequence: Misses dinner, gets nothing until breakfast (no snacks)
Colors on wall:
Logical consequence: Helps clean it, loses crayons for a week
When NOT to use natural consequences:
Safety issues (running into street), harming others, or when consequence is too delayed to teach the lesson
Consistency: The Key to Success
- Same rules for both parents: Discuss discipline approach together. Kids exploit inconsistency.
- Follow through every time: If you say it, do it. Empty threats teach kids to ignore you.
- Same consequence each time: Hitting always = time-out. Don't vary based on your mood.
- Calm delivery: Your emotional state shouldn't change the consequence
- United front: Never disagree about discipline in front of child. Discuss privately later.
- Grandparents/caregivers too: Share your rules with anyone caring for your child
- Review weekly: Check in with co-parent: what's working? What needs adjustment?
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